This is going to be what I call an epic “Mind Fuck” in my coaching practice because it is multi-faceted and can be confusing, but let’s “take back our eyes” when it comes to sexiness & power.
I can’t tell you how many times I scroll social media to mostly find the same pose by most young women - a coy little over-the-shoulder look with an ass sticking out.
Because it is repeated so often, it becomes easier for eyes to see a pattern. Individual faces blur, and I see what is perhaps being played with here - what appears to be labeled “innocent” flirting may be a reach in so many ways for personal power as if we have been taught desirability is the only way to power.
Desirability means when we are wanted, we feel powerful. If we aren't, the power might not stay. Thus, we must promote our desirability at all costs less I lose my power.
The identical poses replicated in so many people's feed come to form a language of its own.
But what are we really saying?
It says that if you want to showcase your sexiness/desirability on IG (or to the world), pose this way - this is the language we understand.
It becomes the standard visual to speak "I am sexy" or "I own my own sexiness" or "I am going to show you what my eyes are looking at when I look at me" or "Value me because I can show you sexy."
Ultimately, the intention behind the post makes all the difference.
Yes, people are rewarded by likes, attention, comments, and validation.
And so many people are crushed because they will never look like the mainstream “hot girl” or "hot guy" and may not get rewarded by attention on social media.
It can feel so good to get those rushes of chemicals in our brains after we get acknowledged, which adds an addictive element to it all.
With an increase of social media outlets, which solely focus on images of hotness, let’s take a moment to find clarity on our own unique views of sex, power, and posting.
This is by no means a complete breakdown of what these words mean but rather an offering for you to seek what matters to you, to explore these ideas and take what works for you and leave what doesn’t.
Ultimately, I am asking you to internally question, to keep asking yourself WHY, until you are brutally honest with yourself on these core beliefs.
And remember there are a multitude of ways to look at posting selfies.
Some people have stated it is more of an outlet for their art because when they post their selfies they “see” themselves for the first time through someone else’s eyes and perhaps are at least less critical internally for that moment. They feel in control because for the first time they define sexiness for themselves, not just take on the meaning offered by society.
Also, selfies can be a way to challenge traditional beauty standards. Companies like #Dove are changing their campaigns to increase beauty diversity. It can also be a way to show all our human flaws as we post real images #lifeunfiltered.
Campaigns like #allbodiesarebeautiful include varied bodies that can perhaps change our perception of ourselves and the cultural narrative there is only one type of sexiness.
Let’s get curious about our underlying motives for posting sexy selfies:
Is it possible that using your sexual selfies is actually a way to self-soothe away loneliness, neglect, or lack of comfort?
Underneath it all, what are you really craving? Power? Attention? Self-worth? Love? Comfort? Authenticity? Truth? Autonomy?
Do you feel empowered to see yourself in a new way?
Does it make you feel anxious and in despair because you are comparing yourself to how you look in a picture versus real life or even how you look versus all the hundreds of other people you just let in your head by scrolling?
Does it make you want to change who you are and how you look?
Does it make you feel powerful because you see sex as power?
Does it make you feel power because it is a big F-you to mainstream beauty?
Is posting the only outlet you have that brings you joy/attention/validation/getting noticed?
Do you feel like posting sexy selfies is a substitute for self-development through other avenues?
Am I mistaking sexual power for the only power I need in today’s world (even though sexiness is rewarded in so many ways in our society)?
Am I earning “love” by performing desirability by posting sexy selfies?
In a society and social media world that forever enforces and overvalues sexiness, are you using desirability, sexiness, seduction, and flirting as a way to feel powerful, in control, independent, or strong?
If so, how has that been working out for you in moments when you don't look sexy in real life?
Does your power need to be defined in a multitude of ways beyond just sexy posing?
Let's unravel this Mind Fuck together. You decide how you are looking at yourself. You decide how you look at the world.
We are here to talk! Send us your thoughts.
XOXO,
Em
If you want to see varied approaches to posting/varied bodies in your personal feed, follow these eye-openers:
For further reading see:
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