Are Acting from Your Wounded Little Girl Self or Powerful Woman Self?

I like to think of myself as two people: my inner little girl and my most powerful woman.

I see my little girl self - freckled, smiling wider than heaven, holding a daisy, in my little treehouse reading Alice In Wonderland while setting up all my stuffed animals in a row so we can have a proper dinner.

When I think of her now, I see the essence of who she is still alive with me today. Life hasn't always given me a smile lately, and now my stuffed animals are my two kids. I still believe in proper dinners and good books!

Sometimes it is heartbreaking to think of our sweet little girl inside because it hurts. We have to face the grief that no one taught us to process. We have to face the anger we feel about being unfairly hurt. We have to face the loss of the pure innocence that may have been taken too soon. And that can feel too much for us to do alone or feels like those feelings will consume us forever.

I also know that when you have a daughter, you get constantly reminded of your younger self because you may, like in my case, see a spitting image of yourself daily.

It all gets so emotionally intense sometimes.

As parents, we recognize all the ways we will protect that little girl from all the harm we experienced. We see the ways the world takes their innocence too quickly.

But one thing we miss in developing a stronger sense of a protected self is becoming aware enough to realize when we are being a little hurt soul, connecting from a place of wounded helpless energy, instead of being the empowered leader, parent, and/or guide woman we can be.

And it's hard to know when we are connecting with that fearful child energy versus our powerful energy because we might not have known a mother or leader or spiritual guide (pick the terminology that relates to you) who has shown us what it is like to show up her full power. We can't be what we can't see.

We all have two forces competing inside. Once we learn when each is ruling our heart, soul, and mind at that moment - who is taking the lead so to speak, we can intentionally pick who we are going to follow.

Now this is a practice - meaning your mind can understand the theory I am talking about, but it is in the actual experience that you will come to sense when you are your little girl and when you are your empowered self. It's an everyday trial-and-error kind of thing.

Think about little children. They need help understanding their inner world. They need soothing. They need guidance. They need comfort. They need to be held with protective energy and tender love. They need direction.

Now, think about a mentally strong person. She knows herself. She is grounded. She pauses with introspection before making a decision. She balances her emotions, intuitive, and intellect. She is loving but has boundaries. She offers her heart to people who have been proven trustworthy. She knows herself as an authority. She asks for what she wants while understanding people's needs. She can be interdependent without forcing her way. She is ultimately resilient. (Btw this description goes for any person - not just specifically for women.)

Mental resilience is one way to develop your own powerful woman energy.

It is the capacity to adapt and maintain psychological well-being in the face of difficulties. Resilience involves developing skills, attitudes, and behaviors that enable a person to navigate through life's ups and downs more effectively.

Mental resilience includes:

1. Adaptability: Resilient individuals can adjust to new situations, learn from experiences, and find creative solutions to problems.

2. Positive Thinking: Resilience often involves maintaining a positive outlook, even in difficult circumstances. This doesn't mean denying the reality of challenges but rather focusing on strengths and potential solutions.

3. Emotional Regulation: Resilient people are skilled at managing their emotions. They can understand and express their feelings appropriately while also being able to regulate emotions in challenging situations.

4. Social Support: Having a strong support network is crucial for mental resilience. Connecting with others, seeking support, and maintaining healthy relationships can contribute significantly to one's ability to bounce back from adversity.

5. Self-Confidence: Believing in one's ability to cope and overcome challenges is an important aspect of resilience. Developing a sense of self-efficacy can enhance mental resilience.

6. Problem-Solving Skills: Resilient individuals are often effective problem solvers. They can analyze situations, identify potential solutions, and take proactive steps to address challenges.

7. Acceptance of Change: Resilience involves accepting that change is a part of life. Rather than resisting change, resilient individuals embrace it and adapt accordingly.

8. Knowing One's Values: Having a clear sense of their values and purpose in life can contribute to mental resilience. It provides a foundation for navigating challenges and setbacks because it anchors them in times of adversity.

Think about how different you are when you operate from a place of mental strength. Think about the different ways you take inspired action on what you truly want instead of what you think will fill the void, the pain, the anger, the helplessness inside.

Think about the difference between when you are feeling such frantic emotional energy, and you just want someone to help you sit through it to guide you to the other side.

Think about when you want someone to LEAD YOU versus LEADING YOURSELF.

Aren't you just asking them to help you learn resilience? To connect with you in a grounded, protective energy? To love on you and show you what to do next?

And a biggie here is to ask yourself are you in this kind of "helpless" energy when you connect with a romantic partner? Do you want them to "save" you? To "protect" you?

It might be hard to hear, but while we are built to connect with others, the way we connect matters. The energy that we connect with matters.

Are we connecting with our "wounded little girl" self who needs a "parental figure" instead of an equitable partner?

Deep stuff right here, chicas. Deep stuff.

Now, think about when you are acting in a "helpless child" energy. This involves self-awareness and reflection on your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. This is an ongoing awareness.

Here are some signs that you might be operating from this mentality:

1. Blaming Others: You often blame external circumstances, other people, or situations for your challenges or problems without taking responsibility for your actions or decisions.

2. Helplessness: You may feel powerless or helpless in the face of difficulties and believe that external forces have complete control over your life.

3. Self-Pity: You may engage in self-pity and dwell on how unfair life is to you.

4. Negative Outlook: You may constantly see the negative side of situations, expect the worst, and believe that positive change is impossible.

5. Repeating Patterns: You may find yourself repeatedly encountering similar problems or challenges and feel like a passive recipient of life's difficulties.

6. Resistance to Change: You may resist change and refuse to take steps to improve your situation because you believe it won't make a difference.

I will give you a minute to process this because when I was shown all the ways I was staying stuck in my wounded little girl self, it fucking hurt immensely.

But I needed to see it, you know? I needed to see how I was not taught how to honor my own power by developing these skills.

I hope seeing it in black and white here will help you navigate yourself with more POWER. We simply aren't taught this stuff growing up.

And know mental resilience is not a fixed trait but rather a skill that can be developed and strengthened over time. Again, it is a practice.

We can build our own power starting here.

We can give our inner little girls the guidance we needed growing up.

Think of all the women you know who have resilience. If you don't know grounded women/people like this, you will have to start looking for examples everywhere - in books, in TV, in your family & friends, in mentors. But please find your people!

It is vital to become your own parent in a sense. You are going to have to be two people sometimes, and that means that you can be both an upset little child and the parent who comforts her. It's a freaky dynamic, I get it. But maybe you'll identify better what you need, and before reaching for addictive things (like food, booze, fuck boys), you can comfort yourself as a strong parent would do.

I tell my little girl today how much I love her freckles. I tell my son how much I love his dark eyes. I tell my own inner Iittle Em I am here to protect and guide her. I see the ways they need a leader in developing their power.

It is this "parent" perspective I have been offered that allows me to see when I am acting from a place where I am connecting from my inner little girl's underdeveloped sense of self or my mature, self-honoring, empowered adult.

If you need support finding your way through all of this - I'm here, connect with me.

Peace, love, and inner power to you, my little lovelies!

~Em